to abandon you softly

The feeling of my heart dropping through my stomach, my eyes warming with tears and sorrow looming over my body...I am not bad for following my heart but to put another human being through the torture of unknowing and ignorance is to harsh to bare. You cannot change how you feel, only how you pursue it. Be strong, be honest and follow your heart. All will be right in the world, healing just takes time. It all just takes time to swallow the fact of abandoning you...if only there was a way to abandon you softly...

Song of the South

When I look into those brown eyes of yours, when you stroke my hand the way you do, it's the sweetest thing. That cute little southern accent of yours, when you turn that country music up high and sing like there's no Tomorrow. Riding in your truck because we ain't going down till the sun comes up. Around that bonfire laying in the bed of the F150, oh those Southern nights. Baby, I've Gone country. Though it may be Wrong, I don't want to spend my time wondering What might have happened. So Just between you and me, If loving you is wrong, I don't want to be right.



*If you haven't noticed, the italics are names of country songs. I'm just trying to mix it up with my writing. Hope you enjoy!

Never under you

Underestimated, undermined, yet never understood. To say I'm deceiving to the eyes is an understatement. My capabilities are one of surprise, for I'm no underdog, I' m not beneath you so never underrate me.

liar liar

I trust you, I try to lend a helping hand...I feel you deserve to be given the chance no one else gave you but in return, you lie. Why should I trade my sympathy for your lies? You've lied, you've cheated and you've pushed yourself so far to the ground that you don't deserve to get up. Don't dare pull others down with you for your stupidity has left you alone. You're a person of deceit, you lie to receive personal gain. But your only personal gain now is to not be perceived as the strumpet* you are. oh, liar liar...



* strumpet: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=strumpet
Look it up yourself (;

lightning

It lights up in the sky with its purple essence. The music in my ear beats louder that follows. A lightning storm once frightening now makes me warm with excitement. I see the purple light crack through the sky, I jump. But am I scared? No, I'm invigorated! I see the light and wait for the rumble to calculate distance. Once a phobia, now a high. High with excitement, I anxiously await the next crackle and glow of the sky.
Unpredictable.


This is an older piece that I thought I'd blog before I start to not like it, hope you enjoy.

One of two faces

Ever since I've known you, we've always seemed like best friends, we got along so well and thought just alike. We roamed school halls together "attached at the hip" and shared secrets constantly. Truth, the biggest secret laid under wraps of which I should have extended my hand out for help, but I hadn't. Underneath, I felt scared for what your judgment for me would be....We've had our ups and our downs, downs being so unpredictable. We said things that would rip each other apart, how unnecessary of us. Since we've drifted apart, we both have learned something about each other, we had something more in common. We both had two faces...only one of which we've shared with each other...how unnecessary of us.

Her and her Polaroid lens

Through my lens, I'm looking...at a world so vivid and colorful. They pose at every angle, trying to look pleasing to my camera. These girls who dress so beautifully, wanting to be captured at their gracefullest moments. After each shoot, someone always peeks through the lens of my camera to discover what I see, puzzled, they do not understand that the magic is not in the camera but truly, it's in me. Photography is in my blood, it courses through my veins. I know my time will come someday when I must retire my camera away, and yet, I hope to be remembered for my greatest talent, by my photographs that remain.

Oh, photographer

There is something about a photographer when she sees a perfect scene. The glow in her eyes, yet not a single stutter of her hands for she knows in a blink of an eye, her shot could be gone. She looks through her lens as if it were apart of her being. She has been given a talent, everyone knows it, because when she posts her pictures for the world to see, people will always be in jealous envy...


Dedicated to Jessica Allen, she is a wonderful photographer with such passion that it shows through her photography.

The beach

A day of excitement, a sun-filled orgasm.
Tanning lotion, 6 SPF.

The bikini that never fit right, but was cute anyway.
Locks in a messy bun but always managed to become sandy; beach hair.

The sound of the waves, so soothing, so fright.
For fear of getting swallowed by its dark, frigid might.

Laughter, happiness, so damn amazing.
You know when we're out here, all hell's raising.

The beginning of it all

In the eighth grade, my English teacher had us write poetry and writing and that's where it all began and here they are. (:

Love
They say hate is such a strong word but love is just as strong a word and people throw it around like it's nothing. You see adults, teenagers, and even young children telling each other the love that they feel in their heart but who are we to believe we know what love truly is. I think everyone wants it so badly because it's the closest thing we have to magic...

Sports
As I run out onto the field
Butterflies invade my stomach,
They blow the whistle,
the ball is thrown in,
and the game begins again.
Running up and down the trampled green grass
feeling like monkey in the middle.
Then the ball is trapped,
dribbled,
passed,
kicked,
GOAL!
In an instant it's over,
we won this beautiful game I call soccer.

Black
Black,
a color of its own,
dark shadows, scary nights,
the feeling of being alone,
the dark figure in the ally,
but don't be afraid
because come day,
black night is no more.

California
EXCITING, sun in my hair,
sand under my feet,
the waves so sweet,
the tan skin under my brunette hair,
California is great and it's my life,
I am a California girl.

White
Wen people think of white,
people usually think of race,
but when I think white,
But when I think of white,
I see drifting clouds on a beautiful spring day,
I see soft, clean blankets
Just laid out on my bed,
sweet fresh smelling daises,
White cotton shirts,
New and clean
or at least until something happens,
then white is forever stained.

School
As I walk these flooded halls,
I see faces in blur around me,
I will only see what I'm thinking about,
Sorry if I don't say hi to you or smile as I pass,
Don't be concerned about me if I look worried,
It's nothing you could understand,
I'm deep in thought,
As I walk these flooded halls.

Drunk
He stumbles through the door,
into the hall and onto his bed,
the next morning he wakes,
why does he look confused?
Is it because he doesn't remember getting that tattoo?
or the pierce in his lip?
A great night that he can't even rememberr.
Being drunk gives you the best times of your life,
to bad you'll never remember.

tanorexia

A beautiful day, not a cloud in the sky; sun.
When this addiction falls upon me, it's like a drug.
I'm hooked.
How it feels on my skin, its effect is lovely.
I need more, i need to gain the complexion I desire.
But it's never enough, I need to be darker.
The sun on my skin, the warmth on my eyelids, a slight breeze hit my hair.
Amazing.
Crack out the tanning oil, lay it on thick.
Darker...darker...darker...
A look in the mirror, a sense of disappointment.
I need more, I need to gain the complexion I desire.
But it's never enough, I need to be darker.
A disease. A drug. An addiction.
Tanning is my addiction.
Hello, my name is _____ and I am tanorexic.


Tanorexia; (noun)
1. A disease like anorexia, no matter how tan a person is they never think they are tan enough.
2. A mental disease in which a person believes that no matter how much they tan, they are never tan enough.
Tanorexic;
1. Obsession with being tan and thin.

www.Urbandictionary.com

mad

I know we shouldn't fight...
especially with all the distance between us.
The need to be upset is so tempting,
it's hard being so far apart.
The miles seem too much
when I desperately need your touch.
The making up isn't as sweet when you're not next to me.
I know I should try harder but baby, you should, too.
Trust me, if we push past this, all of our dreams will come true.

untitled

If only I could apologize for all the mean things I said,
the hurtful words that cannot be taken back...
Everything I've done, I feel bitter remorse,

There is nothing I can do to take back this horrible feeling of emptiness I feel in my body,
when the sobs would not cease and the hurt not yield.
You promised I'd never have to feel a pain like this again...
But the blame is put on me for my broken promises.
I understand I'm at fault but I'd take it all back to end it a little more right.
But the 'what ifs' must end, the 'if only's, too because there was only so much after that I could do.
So we'll 'let bygones be bygones and go our separate ways'
Didn't mean to make sorry such a cliché.

Prom night

A long wait, looking and looking until she finds that one dress that takes her breath away...
She spends hours searching for her perfect heels and a necklace to match.
How beautiful she feels when they put glitter in her hair, the smell of hairspray everywhere.
A finishing touch, make-up scattered all around, just for one night till the clock strikes midnight.
The doorbell rings, her cheeks turn a warm red...He's here.
She makes her way down the stairs for a night she'll never forget.
The expression on his face when he sees her makes him glow, this will be a choice he knows he'll never regret.
The dress that took so long to find, the perfect heels and necklace which were so divine, and the glitter and make-up which made her feel so amazing before he came didn't matter anymore because this one kiss...she'd never feel the same.
So loved, so amazed that this really could be true, all for a night that she'd never forget as he says, "Baby, I love you."


I cannot wait for my amazing senior prom with you baby, I love you so much.

Summer

Sun shines on my hair,
smell of sunblock in the air.
Summer.
During the day, we'll cool off in the waves,
at night, we'll heat it up during the party raves.
Summer.
Baby, kiss me under the stars at night,
we'll make love till the morning light.
...oh summer


Cheesy but I like it, i love summer

New girl

New girl in school walking with her map, how cute she is unknowing, they all say.
She'll wander the halls watching all the strangers, how awkward she feels.
New girl walks to lunch, a straggler in a crowd of people...no one and everyone notices.
Hey new girl.
New girl, lonely as she was, invited by a group of people she now calls friends.
Now she survives the first day of school, new girl now has a name to the faces of her new foundfriends.
And new girl herself is no longer named new girl, but Victoria.

You always know what to say

You make me smile when I need it the most, you always know what to say.
You were the first person to make me giggle, filling our days with joy.
Your military stone cold face filled with blushing red as we would talk, talk, talk about everything.
Soon the rosy cheeks would be mutual because you always know what to say.
You tell me you love me, you always know what to say to make my day.

Dedicated to Matthew Smith, you always know what to say <3

You and your fire

You and your fire upset as always, walking and talking like the world is yours.
You and your fire feeling you deserve the utmost respect when you give nothing in return.
You and your fire...your fire red hair, you look ridiculous.
You fool no one, they watch you try and manipulate, fixate, and dictate all that you can.
You and your fire mean nothing more than for me to find the closest emergency exit away from you and your burn.
You and your fire can't hurt us anymore.

do you remember

Do you remember when we ran around at the park playing tag? Do you remember when I lived right across the street from you and we'd go to each others door asking to play? Seems like all to fast we grew up and moved away. We all had different lives, met new people and made new best friends, but when I came home and walked on the sidewalks where I carved our names, I remember...I remember the great times we had, the $60.00's worth of candy we bought, the times we comforted each other when things didn't go right...we went through alot together and I remember...do you remember?

"Do you remember do you remember do you remember
All of the times we had
Let's bring it back"

only yours

The worst thing I've ever done is leave your arms...I've memorized every crease in your shirt against my cheek, the feel of your arms squeezing my body close, I've memorized the look in your eyes when you tell me you love me and the smiles you give me; How you blush when i giggle at you. I know every detail of us and our lives together. Baby, I will never forget you and I know soon, that we will be together in each others arms.

You're my everything sweetie, always and forever

 tm01312010 <3

people always leave...

She said, 'People always leave, people always leave...and i hate it'.

 Today I said goodbye to my oldest friend. We had dinner at our favorite restaurant and reminisced about the old days. Remembering the summer rain hitting our faces and soaking our clothes as we danced and jumped in the puddles...jumping from memory to memory of how we would sit it in class passing notes and talking. We had our traditions of sleeping at my house and eating Cheetos and oreos in the middle of the night. We would get lost in memories, laughing and enjoying the time we had left together when Jess looks out the window and we realize that it was raining...just for us. We looked out the window for a while smiling. It truly is the little miracles that make the    big differences. At the end, when everything got dark and we had to say goodbye, we hugged and held on for a while, crying. The rain was still falling so for old times sake, we danced. And laughed. The last thing we did was pinky promise that even though we'd be far apart, we'd stay friends and never drift apart again. In that moment, i realized i was saying goodbye to the girl who was always there for me, that i could always trust with my secrets, the one i had so many memories with over the course of three years, i was saying goodbye to my best friend. I love you Jessica Allen.
Pinky promise we'll always be close. <3

People always leave, people always leave...but do they really?

i'm stretched thin

Everyone is calling me, left an right I hear my name. I agree to help because I can't say no. I run here and I run there, everywhere. My head is spinning, I'm stretched too thin. I should learn to say no and accept the disappointment in your eyes but I can't, I refuse. I stop. I remember the breathing exercise I learned just today so I breathe.I remember the person's voice telling me what to do.

Deep breath in.Deep breath out. Deep breath in. Deep breath out.  Feel your breathe through your body to your abdomen. Relax.

I relax. I am now calm. Ready for work. But maybe next time...I won't stretch myself too thin.

things change

People change. All the time. Life changes. Constantly. But it seems you never see it change until it's to late. You don't notice the the change of seasons until the colors of the leaves are in front of you, you don't notice how fast the time has past until it's the last day of school, you don't realize the break in a friendship until there is no longer a friendship...where does the time go? I guess at this point it doesn't matter, the leaves that changed color already fell off their branch and died, school's back in, and those best friends no longer talk. But what is crazy is the good that comes with change. You lose things but you gain things that mean so much more. For me, it was first a friendship lost but also, it was a friendship rekindled. Laughter that used to be so familiar is now warming me up again. Things change. But I guess if it's that, it's okay.